tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3819607534051208825.post5353614320131862408..comments2023-11-24T15:42:40.775-08:00Comments on The Badger's Sett: On Human Interaction and Actual Social SkillsRowan Badgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05521541066585626296noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3819607534051208825.post-82764087769439466312012-12-26T20:49:29.527-08:002012-12-26T20:49:29.527-08:00Listening is a great lesson for everyone, not just...Listening is a great lesson for everyone, not just the socially awkward, but there is a big part missing to what you way here, and that is the fact that people rarely say what's really bothering them. They say something else, what they think they should say, or what they think others wan to hear. There is enormous misdirection and spuriousness in most human communication. Listening can lead to just as much misunderstanding in my experience as not. I suspect socially adept people like yourself are cuing in on the nonverbal at least as much as the verbal. Trying to memorize and categorize that many cues by rote eventually grows exhausting no matter how badly one wants to join in the human race. And the misdirection means a lot of learning is wrong for the next person necessitating relearning rules for each person.<br /><br />As a socially adept I suspect you don't grasp something else. For the socially un-adept, fumbling through years of confusing interactions, especially in school, there are no second chances from which to learn from mistakes. One is pegged from mistake one and that's it for the remainder of all interaction with that person. Unless they are drunk. That's probably the only time one can "practice". <br /><br />I've observed that charisma makes people forgive everything from someone. Maybe that's what you are really gifted with.wezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13374414914034979534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3819607534051208825.post-81162114267996471572012-12-25T08:30:59.359-08:002012-12-25T08:30:59.359-08:00I should add that that baggage varies with individ...I should add that that baggage varies with individuals and social contexts, making it very hard to predict, and it's probably the source of many of the unwritten social rules that exist.Walking Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12574748373990414974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3819607534051208825.post-65056409125986241082012-12-25T06:14:46.827-08:002012-12-25T06:14:46.827-08:00Thank you so much for writing this. I will be poi...Thank you so much for writing this. I will be pointing many of my aspie friends to it.<br /><br />You wrote, 'Small talk looks stupid and pointless, but it's not just small talk. It's 'listening' and 'paying attention'. Just learning to repeat the 'right' phrases means you respond to "My dog died today," with "Well, it was great weather for it!"'<br /><br />In my fifty years on this Earth, almost twelve since my Asperger's diagnosis, it never occurred to me that "small talk" might be practice for the real thing. This idea stands to reason and experience. I find that as I have become better at dealing with it, I have become better at the rest. It's a feedback loop, each reinforcing the other.<br /><br />Also, there is one more thing that a lot of us don't understand that has taken me many mistakes and much pain to simply figure out: some words have baggage far and away beyond their literal meanings. To say that something cost very little is not the same as saying it is cheap. Learning these things is ridiculously difficult, and not the least of these reasons is that unlike other learning, the only time you find out you need a lesson is when you've already failed a test you didn't know you were taking.<br /><br />Thanks again for a well-written article.<br /><br />BearWalking Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12574748373990414974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3819607534051208825.post-18219402002185889182012-12-04T08:00:27.910-08:002012-12-04T08:00:27.910-08:00*hugs*
Love you, honey.*hugs*<br /><br />Love you, honey.Rowan Badgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05521541066585626296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3819607534051208825.post-41668451334164373072012-12-01T07:40:50.787-08:002012-12-01T07:40:50.787-08:00This is beautiful writing. I like that you use tv...This is beautiful writing. I like that you use tv shows and the death of a pet as illustrations. It's innocent and deep at the same time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3819607534051208825.post-43499894053967511912012-11-30T18:59:59.062-08:002012-11-30T18:59:59.062-08:00Thank you. I needed and gratefully received your w...Thank you. I needed and gratefully received your wisdom. I find myself being overly sensitive to many human interactions, especially at work with people I do no know well. However I am learning, and growing with every new mistake I make and I am happy to know that it is not only me. I need to accept the lesson and move on. Sadly I will probably never be completely rational when it happens again, and I will have to take a step back and learn a new lesson, but alas, such is life.Tif-Anihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18206648115638236324noreply@blogger.com